Doc-in-the-box, you don’t get what you pay for

It’s another beautiful spring day in the neighborhood. Hack, cough, sneeze, wheeze. . .

The first thing I do when I don’t feel well is go to webmd.com and search out every element of each symptom I’m experiencing until I figure I all but need to be in the ICU, stat. Who wouldn’t? Each cough becomes emphysema. Each headache becomes an embolism. And I love when they tell you to visit your doctor–who will surely check you from head to toe with all necessary medical tests to reassure you are tip top shape, give you a lollipop and a hug. Uh huh.

The last time I went to the doctor–heartless, incompetent, apathetic wench–she stood nearly two feet away from me, flasheda tongue depressor at me, that never crossed my lips, then told me to go home and gargle w/salt water. Ka-ching: $100 please.

So unless, I’m prostrate, immobile, 100+ temperature, I don’t often go to the doctor. However, I’ve had a ripping headache, asthma-like wheezing for weeks. I had the flu in Feb. I was sure this was the after effects, plus spring allergies, but this has gotten ridiculous. Plus, I woke up this morning and my tongue was black. Not dark blue, like I’d been eating blueberries, but black. And I’m oddly amused instead of freaking out. I’m guessing it was the cheap brand of Pepto-Bismol I took last night for a slight upset stomach, but webmd has nothing on a black tongue, unless you’ve been visiting the Congo, which I have not. Other than the above symptoms, I feel fine. . . whatever.

Meanwhile, http://dahlilafound.etsy.com is quickly bypassing http://dahlila.etsy.com in sales. Sales are great. I’m not complaining, I just like to think that the bracelets and crochet I take great care to make are as desirable as a cheesy retro cookie jar from the 70s. Still, I should take the funds where i can get them. I’ll be needing them for that all but useless trip to the doctor’s office.

d.