My low genetic battery Monday wafted onward and is now my low energy Wed. I think I’ve hit a burn out wall. I’ve let my thoughts about “outside views” about what I’m creating–my two Etsy shops cloud my joy. Yep, folks I’ve got cloudy joy syndrome.
My freaked out examples:
1) My mother has not ONCE asked how my shops are doing. No yeahs! No good-for-yous! No cute item, nice pattern, wow, sales, etc, etc. It just isn’t enough for her. I’m not “being the person I should be” for her imagined photo album family. I know, I know. I’m a fricking grown-up–at least on paper–but do we REALLY ever get over wanting our parents to be proud of us? (If you have, in fact, please let me know your secret. I might even pay you for it. I pay my therapist enough and she can’t come up with a solution).
2) When I sit and crochet special orders at the cafe in the morning, I’m the only under-retirement age, non-gray-haired breakfast lounger there. My peers? They’re married, with kids, at a real JOb. It bums me out.
3) I’m working WAY more than any money being produced. It’s almost pathetic. I’m feeling un-employed, not self-employed.
4) My freedom from an office is starting to feel like an outcast situation instead of a free-to-be one.
5) Downstairs, a soap opera is playing on the tube and I’m too tired to go down and turn it off. Day time television is a BAD BAD sign. Just say NO. RUN!
Okay, enough blithering for one day. Back to . . .