If you’re looking fo a cute, sweet, happy Etsy thought, it isn’t here, not today. Just hit another button and move on. Today, dear readers, all two of you, is all about manners, boundaries and how I hate people who don’t have the common courtesy to use them. These are things I hate:
1. Smokers. If you want to rush towards your own death. Fabulous. More power to you, but don’t piss on my life w/your masochistic habit.
2. People who litter. The ground is not a garbage can. Plastic wrap is not biodegradable–and that includes you fuckwits who leave “doggie” bags in street compost piles. P.S. hiding it beneath the grass clippings doesn’t get you off the hook.
3. People who don’t neuter/spay their pets. I could go on for hours on this one. It’s just irresponsible and all the excuses you dish out about biology, freedom, animal slavery, taking away “his manhood,” etc, etc is bullshit.
4. People who don’t have the common courtesy to RSVP. You have been personally invited to a party, gathering, dinner, coffee, walk in the park–how lucky that someone cares about you that much to include you. How blessed you are. Now don’t be a fuck wit and ignore it. “Thank you, yes I would love to” or “Thank you, I won’t be able to attend.” That’s all it takes. Two minutes of your so very busy day.
5. Neighbors who leaf blow their yards, garbage, what-nots out onto the street and call it done. The street (again) is not your personal dumping ground. The city is not your personal maid, I don’t care what kind of taxes you pay. Clean up your surroundings and that doesn’t end at your property line.
6. People who tell you to lighten up. If I had a machete for every time someone said that to me, well . . . I’d be on death row. Not everyone is a free-for-all party maven. Woo-hoo! Let’s get drunk and act like we did when we were in high school. I did it then. It’s done. I’m over it. Stop trying to yank me into your mid-life crisis.
7. People who love to tell you how to improve your life by acting, dressing, dieting, exercising, decorating, partying, marrying, birthing, mommying, striving, networking, flirting, evolving the way THEY HAVE. I never asked; and if I did I was only making polite conversation.
8. As with #7, people who inform me I NEED to: be more politically informed, get global, get local, write a letter for their cause, join their political campaign, get on their bandwagon, sign this reform, read the Wall Street Journal, vote the only way, their way;
9. People who insist I: take THEIR brand of vitamins, be a vegetarian, vegan, meat eater, protester, tie myself to a tree. Forward their stupid chain letters! See THEIR hairstylist, dress UP, dress DOWN, wear less, wear more: jewelry, heels, push-up bras, eye-liner, eye-shadow, foundation–yes, then no; lipstick–“red! Oh yes!” “Red–oh God, no;”
10. People who tell me to: be more creative, more focused, more artistic, less artistic–“if you’re not in a gallery you’re nothing.” Be more educated, more cultured, more worldly, daring, dramatic, learn French. Get a professional job, career, office suit, wear grey wool and nylons, network, buy a cell phone, a laptop, get call-waiting, caller id, a blackberry, i-phone, i-tunes, more gigahertz. Get a Mac–no a PC; learn In Design–no Quark.
11. People who tell me my joys aren’t good enough. Be a BIGGER gardener, a more PROLIFIC reader, a more DEVOTED artist, a more SUBSTANTIAL writer, walk further, join a 10K, bicycle harder, raise your heart rate MORE, lower your cholesterol MORE, join THIS gym.
12. People who insist I: dance (tango) better, practice more, stretch MORE, lift MORE weights, listen to traditional ONLY, dress UP, dress DOWn. Go to Argentina–“you really can’t UNERSTAND tango until you’ve been”. Get higher heels “You’ll learn, when you are BETTER, to like 3 1/2″ heels”–no; no I fucking won’t; Embrace them closer–“let me lead,” he says–yuck. No. You’re fat, old, panting and sweating. I am not going to embrace anything about you. Loose weight yourself, join a gym, give me some space to dance, I am not your concubine.
13. Because I’m all out of steam, very tired and I don’t want to strive for anything, anywhere better THAN WHAT I AM DOING RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW IS ALL I HAVE and that goes for you too. So, thank you for sharing and fuck you.