I took myself out today, all by myself, no dogs–I know, shock. They were sad when I left, without their walk, but I really needed to just be alone and breathe.
I went downtown and walked through Capitol Park to Ambrosia cafe on K Street–great people watching, which is all I wanted to do. Ho-hum on the coffee, but I ate a delicious apple galette. There may also have been the best pesto focaccia I have EVER eaten, sold to me outdoors at their catering set-up by the sweetest girl, but that’s a lot of food, and oh, how I will pay for it. Comfort food really can be comforting, for a while.
I walked back through the park just taking in all the sensations of a day: the political “suits” on their phones, looking so very handsome & verboden. The state workers in their dresses, nylons and sneakers. The evangelist with a speaker on the corner–annoying. The smell of spring blowing through the trees. It was mostly all good.
And then I came home and got stuck again. Nothing has sold in the shop. I blame myself–not enough product? Prices too high? Bio not splashy enough? The allure is. not. WHAT?!? WHAT is the allure NOT doing?! I am tired of battling this question. My answer always feels like something I have done wrong, ergo I am wrong.
Spiral, spiral, spiral.
It can be really hard not to go there, especially living and working alone. There is no cheering squad, or kind soul, to really help me out of these emotional ruts.
So, I write–write, write, write it all out–and try to breath, make more coffee (simple tasks), shoot some photos, take a step forward, even a baby step, even a shuffle.
It will pass–and it will come back with a vengeance!–but then it will pass again. this is just how it goes.