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Posts Tagged ‘breathe’

Yesterday, out of nowhere I signed up for the Reverb 10 challenge to create a piece or art, writing, post, anything creative for every day of December.

I nearly drowned on the first question: Sum up this last year in one word. A flood of sad words landed on the paper, before I chose the word: PRIVATE, because I really didn’t want to share. I didn’t want anyone to see me that sad, that broken. Last night was long and I got really depressed. I gave those words life by writing them down. They suddenly owned me.

This morning was gray. I might have stayed in bed all day, but I started searching for replacement words, other possibilities, other ways out and this is what happened:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew9Tx5fOrlU

If it wasn’t a good day, mulch it. 🙂

d. xxoo

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Just go a late Friday call from the vet. All the blood drained from my head before she said her first words. Zephyr’s on the fence. She wants to run MORE tests. Be certain about Cushings Disease. Back to the vet on Monday. Blood draw, something injected, wait eight hours, draw blood again. . . just to find out, maybe, where he is.

I suddenly feel like  Zephyr is mirroring my own ailings. The “what the hell is wrong with you?’ ailment. Experimental pin cushions, he and I. We’ll isn’t this just lovely.

Here’s the important thing to know. I will find the money to make certain Zephyr has ALL the vet attention he needs. Where as I . . . can float for a while. As I believe my neorologist will be calling the voodoo witch doctor to perform an exorcism next.

Me and Zephyr 3

Meanwhile, when in doubt, do nothing. . . or do a  little,  but stay close to home. Whatever the small tasks of my everyday life can bring us is just fine, a bit of peace, joy, maybe both. As I really believe in the understated life. I’m big on simple.  So, as soon as it cools down, Zephyr and I are going to the park, even if all we get to do is take a small slow walk and lie in the grass. ❤

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I had a pretty bad today. I got fired from my new job.

I put all of myself into this job, took work home, wrote ideas all the time, took more work home. I pretty much all but tap danced for them, trying hard to shine, shine, shine, but in the end it wasn’t enough. They wanted more, less, someone else entirely.

I’m still stunned. It was my first job back in the working world since I left teaching. It turns out a lot of kids and some old people are a lot alike–demanding, nasty, rude, like three year olds with a lot more grey hair.

My first thoughts are to think revengeful thoughts and berate myself into the dirt, but I’m trying not to go there. Trying, trying, trying. I know I gave it my very best and if that wasn’t enough for them then that’s their loss.

I thought I’d honor this horrible day by doing something nice for someone else. Maybe, it doesn’t count if I tell you, but I’m not perfect, not by a million miles.

Etsy has a feature called Pounce. You can see a list of items that have just sold or items from shops who have yet to sell a single thing. I found these at the later, Lanier Creations:

bird-tags1

Aren’t they beautiful! And she hasn’t sold any! That’s going to change fast. So I got to be her first sale. And it may not be a big money maker, but I hope it makes her day happy. I really do.

d.

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Hello all, I’ve been away from the blog. Afraid of what I might post. Having a rather manic day. Trying to stay busy, stay out of my head. Famous line, by some famous writer: “My mind is a dangerous neighborhood you wouldn’t want to walk in alone at night.” Here, here.

I am often so envious of the everyday calm and nonchalance of everyday people. I want that endorphin count too! I imagine my self like an engine, very low on oil, grinding down the gears, metal to metal. Not good.

Trying to keep moving forward, all passes in time, right? Meanwhile, I have a list–I always have a list–to keep me busy and distracted. A yard sale on Sat. and the finale of Tango classes on Thurs. This last is not a distraction but a necessary delve into “the way out is through.” If that doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry; if it does, say a prayer for me. Fear of wanting is just so all consuming, especially when manifested by a little scared four year old in your heart and psyche. Whatever.

Okay, enough here. I am off to clean, work, make, wash and create some kind of order from a mass of chaos–external and internal.

I will leave you with these, take your pick, which sum me up quite well today. But they also have hope. Hope is good. We like hope. 😉

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oao58LsKn64&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1WJlxjxAZE&feature=related

Just breathe, d.

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