Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘overwhelmed’

I read my horoscope last week & it said I needed to run away. I couldn’t agree more.

Tonight, after slowly walking the dogs around the block for the umpteenth million time, while Zephyr wandered away from me, because he’s figured out I can’t grab him if I have Trooper, I’d had it. I took the dogs home, threw their leashed in the basket, grabbed my purse & nearly ran out the door.

My car is gone. It died today again–died is becoming a word my jeep does more often than not now. Everything in my life is dying & breaking–my dogs, my jeep, my apartment. AND I’M TIRED!

So tired, and losing my patience with this slowness, this tedious, every day, slowness and breaking down, so I ran away.

You wouldn’t know it. You would call it “going out for the evening”, but for me, it was running away.

I rode my bike all the way downtown–me, on my bike! I rode all the way to Hot Italian, my new favorite bar/pizza spot–all white, black, marble, very modern. It shines & glitters. It’s clean. It’s  everything my life isn’t right now.

I ordered something with vodka, limoncella & ice. It was splendidly tall & fizzy. I flipped through Italian Elle & ordered fresh basil pizza with a thin, thin crust. And I didn’t think about the dogs once. Not once. No worry, no fretting, no nothing. I was free.

This has got to be what parents feel like when they have just given and given, and one day, that’s just it. There’s nothing left to give, if they don’t give to themselves, and fast.

There are so many things I don’t do anymore– leave town, for one, kayaking, tango. I need more time, out there, or just more time with me, sans dogs.

And the funny thing was, tonight? I wasn’t scared–not sitting alone at the bar, not riding my bike home at dusk without a light, not taking alleys, nothing. I felt free. And free is something I haven’t felt for a very long time.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

I am caught in a moment–one moment of a tangled thread of moments–of deep angst. There is SO MUCH THAT NEEDS DOING! The lists and lists, and lists written on the back of lists:

POST MORE ITEMS! Clean the house, MY DESK, redesign the blog, my Etsy banner, my bio page–it all looks so crusty! Get a model, someone younger, get up on the trends, buy wrinkle cream, whiten my teeth, learn Excel–for god’s sake! Would you just learn it already?! Wash the dogs, buy flea meds, my taxes? My rent? Did I pay rent? Can I pay rent?

To attack the piles, the papers, the stacks, looks like weeding a vast field of daisies, one. pinch. at a time.

So, I turn around, spin around and around, then open my eyes, like Alice in a Wondrous new land, and walk away. Over there is pretty. Over there is clean. Over there I can see and breathe and take in a rich new field of color, textures, scents and  life that has no weeds, needs nothing from me, only a view to be seen, drunk in, replenishing.

 

Read Full Post »